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Quote:The suspicion that sexual assaults against inanimate objects, including bicycles and hoovers, are on the rise is confirmed by the disturbing news that a man was last month cuffed for "allegedly simulating a sex act with a lamppost", as the Wiltshire Times puts it.

full article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/06/...st_arrest/

Quote:A Polish building contractor working at London's Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital was given his marching orders after a security guard caught him having sex with a Henry Hoover, the Sun reports.

The Henry HooverThe unnamed perv was supposed to be locking up the site, at hospital admin offices, but was instead discovered in the staff canteen "naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner"...

full article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/03/..._incident/

Quote:The man caught having sex with a bicycle in an Ayr hostel has been put on three years' probation, the Telegraph reports....

full article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/11/15/...sentenced/

:blinkie: :blinkie: :blinkie:

OMG, these people are friggin' nuts! 

Quote:having sex with a bicycle

Which part of the bicycle? 

Quote:Can You Catch The Clap From A Hoover Or Lamppost?

Possibly.

[quote author=kim link=topic=17554.msg71005#msg71005 date=1214673159]

Quote:Can You Catch The Clap From A Hoover Or Lamppost?

Possibly.
[/quote]

If the lamppost is promiscuous you can. :blinkie:

A related article: Park Bench Humper Gets Stuck!!!!! 

Quote:Many an adolescent boy, hormones raging, has succumbed to the siren song of a hump-able inanimate object (the mattress cushion, a toilet paper roll or in one cinematic instance, a pie). But let's hope they learn a lesson from the 41-year-old Hong Kong man who almost lost his penis as a result of intercourse with a steel park bench...

full article AND photo: http://www.asylum.com/2008/08/11/man-hum...ets-stuck/

For the lurkers --- How to Bang Just About Any Object In Your House 

This is a G rated forum! I should ban all of you FILTHmongers for posting this FILTH! 

[quote author=regic link=topic=17554.msg71931#msg71931 date=1218821258]
This is a G rated forum! I should ban all of you FILTHmongers for posting this FILTH! 
[/quote]


But, but.......we are all filth.............you are too. 

Australian driver arrested with penis in pasta sauce jar.  ;D

Quote:The drama began when officers spotted Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, "parked in a no-stopping zone near Nobby's Beach on October 26". According to the Newcastle Herald, they thought he "might have a weapon"* since he was "doing something with his hands in his lap".

He was in fact "partially clothed with his genitals in a jar", a police report explained...

full article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/11/19/pasta_sauce/

In other news...a half-naked Slovak driver "with a vacuum pump on his penis" crashed into a bus.
full article: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/09/12/slovak_pile_up/