Quote:2. In many cases of so-called "bad behavior", the child is simply responding in the only way he can, given his age and experience, to neglect of basic needs. Among these needs are: proper sleep and nutrition, treatment of hidden allergy, fresh air, exercise, and sufficient freedom to explore the world around him.
I'm highly allergic to tomatoes. When I was little, my mom frequently made awful spaghetti with a sauce of pure tomato paste. I couldn't stomach the stuff at all and was frequently forced to sit at the table by both parents--and made to finish each individual bite until the plate was clean, while I was crying. I remember throwing up after eating spaghetti before, because of this.
I would also get sick from her shrimp cocktail.
My refusal to eat tomato sauce was considered unkind, rude, stand-offish, out of line, out of control, insensitive, and selfish by my parents. It never remotely occured to them that there might be a physical reason for the fact that I couldn't stomach it. You would think they'd have noticed the barfing or childhood heartburn? I remember once being told I was making up the heartburn to be rotten and that I had made myself throw up.
I didn't even know the reason then. I know it now. I wonder how many kids hav iron-fisted parents who force them to eat every bite, however unhealthy or awful (or full) the child is. Half the time, parents dish out adult-sized portions and expect kids not to be rude and wasteful.
I remember sitting at the dinner table for 2 1/2 hours, eating one tiny bite of spaghetti at a time.
Quote:I didn't even know the reason then. I know it now. I wonder how many kids hav iron-fisted parents who force them to eat every bite, however unhealthy or awful (or full) the child is. Half the time, parents dish out adult-sized portions and expect kids not to be rude and wasteful.
Mine did the same thing, so I can definitely relate. I used to hide food in my napkin (my Mom always used cloth napkins), empty it into the trash. Eventually, she did catch me.
I think the recommendation these days is to give kids small amounts--then ADD more if they're still hungry, rather than pile food up and force them to eat.
[quote author=thentavius link=topic=6101.msg33595#msg33595 date=1164499561]
I think the recommendation these days is to give kids small amounts--then ADD more if they're still hungry, rather than pile food up and force them to eat.
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I agree. That is what I did with my son------------I can't imagine doing what my parents did. Btw, I had a total aversion to cottage cheese--still do---and in girl scout camp, they forced me to eat it. I drowned it in sugar, but to no avail. I
anyway. They never did that again, lol.
On another note, I have never laid a hand on my son in anger. He is remarkably self-confident, happy and we have a wonderful relationship. None of the usual teenage problems either. I highly reccomend teaching rather than spanking or punishing.
The greatest misunderstanding I see is that parents define discipline as punishment. Discipline means to teach. Spanking is effective, provides immediate results, but the problem is it doesn't work in the long term. It takes much more effort to utilize positive parenting practices such as time out, and other behavioral modification techniques that establish natural and logical consequences for behavior.
A wonderful resource is Dr. Jane Nelsen who has written great books for parents and teachers on the subject of positive discipline.
The love and logic parenting course is also a wonderful program.
Quote:The greatest misunderstanding I see is that parents define discipline as punishment
Absolutely. Discipline is about knowledge and understanding--knowing limits, knowing people, knowing when it's OK to do certain things and when it's better not to. Punishment is about, well punishment...
Bell--I bet you were having lactose digestion problems at the time. Or, by the gods, maybe you just didn't like it (imagine that, camp teachers!).
Looking back, sometimes I can't believe my parents did what they did. How could they sit there for hours and force me to eat? My dad used to pound the table and yell "EAT!!!!!!!" over and over. LOL.
Quote:It takes much more effort to utilize positive parenting practices such as time out, and other behavioral modification techniques that establish natural and logical consequences for behavior.
This is so true, Chiquita. I think that too many parents utilize spanking/punishment as a way to avoid the more strenuous task of teaching. It is so much easier to be able to say, "because I told you so", then to explain your reasoning and attempt to actually teach a child. Spanking is a form of humiliation----it does NOT teach a child to respect you, only to fear you.
An important topic, so good to see people here understand this.
When I was in 9th grade I found the book "Summerhill" by AS Neill. Summerhill is a school in England that for over 80 years has taught kids that their opinions and feelings count, that everyone is equal - little kids, big kids and teachers. Classes are optional, which insures that teachers teach interesting things.
A quote from Neill: "the function of a child is to live his own life not the life that his anxious parents think he should live, not a life according to the purpose of an educator who thinks he knows best."
http://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/pages/index.html
Quote:When I was in 9th grade I found the book "Summerhill" by AS Neill. Summerhill is a school in England that for over 80 years has taught kids that their opinions and feelings count, that everyone is equal - little kids, big kids and teachers. Classes are optional, which insures that teachers teach interesting things.
What a fabulous way to educate a person!
Quote:A quote from Neill: "the function of a child is to live his own life not the life that his anxious parents think he should live, not a life according to the purpose of an educator who thinks he knows best."
Great quote, accentnepal, and it makes so much sense. This is something I can really relate to in my own life for various reasons.