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TulipTools Internet Business Owners and Online Sellers Community › Bottom of the Board › Bottom of the Board Completely Off Topic › Bad Jokes Atrium v
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Subject: Catholic School kids

  
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Subject: Catholic School kids
04-04-2006, 04:42 PM,
Post: #1
stardust Offline
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Subject: Catholic School kids
Subject: Catholic School kids

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading
these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her
composure!
>   
>
> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN
A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!  IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE
FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT
BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE
WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.
NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING
THE NIGHT.
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH
UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE
DELILAH.
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS
BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
>
> 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO
MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN
THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND
STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE
FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN
THE MANAGER.
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY
DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE
TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS
ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
> 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY
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04-04-2006, 05:56 PM,
Post: #2
bargainbloodhound Offline
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Re: Subject: Catholic School kids
Happy001
"Well, Jay was so giddy that someone named Jay was involved with this site we posted our first non-eBay listing in 3 years here at Lunarbid (we tried two items at Yahoo once upon a time, they bombed)" -Marie posting in a LunarBid thread at OTWA in 2005 wins the award for 'most moronic reason ever given for choosing a venue"

"thanks twat u must have nothing better 2 do. do u talk to all your members like that. will not be recomending your site.
best way to put it is TULIPTOOLS.COM IS REALLY SHIT. DONT JOIN." -pubescent owner of rinky dink off2auction.com in 2011
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04-04-2006, 07:06 PM,
Post: #3
maryrussel Offline
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Re: Subject: Catholic School kids
;D My favorites are #24 and #25.
MY WEBSITES:

http://iwriteforu.com
http://weemotors.com


MY BLOGS:
http://theactivedog.blogspot.com/
http://blogs.allmusicsearch.com/allmusic...rite_for_u
Website
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04-05-2006, 04:44 AM,
Post: #4
maggie777 Offline
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Re: Subject: Catholic School kids
I enjoyed them all. ;D
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04-06-2006, 02:39 AM,
Post: #5
jezebel Offline
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Re: Subject: Catholic School kids
Quote:5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE
DELILAH.

Should I be offended?  Laughing7
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04-06-2006, 10:57 PM,
Post: #6
iron_chick Offline
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Re: Subject: Catholic School kids
> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

Big Grin
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