NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS -- AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT

[stardust]

NEW LAW COMING FROM CONGRESS -- AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT

    WASHINGTON, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which
provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities
Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the
millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
   
    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to
be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no
longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply
because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."
   
    The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which
has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to
performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills,
making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of
Inability.
   
    Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against
the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home
improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of
hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)
   
    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and
performance.
   
    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given,
to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a
significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives
a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.
   
    Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory
interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or
"Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"
   
    "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , MI, due to her lack of
notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens
can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
   
    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some
sort of space to take up in this great nation."

:blinkie:

[BellisimaJ.]

  :blinkie:

[Jen]

Hiya Stardust. 

[xppman]

I like it.  Sounds like something Boxhead would draft and something
Kinkeddy would endorse. 

[stardust]

Hi, Jen!!  Missed you for all these months!  Hope you are doing well and enjoying your helicopter medic trips.

At last some boardies recognize this for the humor that it is.  I thought it was pretty clever....

"With this legislation, employers will no
longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply
because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

^^ my favorite line in the 'newsclip'. 

[Jen]

Reminds me of when some reporter over in China for the People's Daily used a citation from The Onion as proof in one of his stories. 

One of The Onion's headlines this week:  Prohibitively High Rocket-Fuel Prices Bring Mideast Crisis To Standstill - I  love the pic in this article.

[bargainbloodhound]

[quote author=Jen link=topic=4776.msg21038#msg21038 date=1155848858]
Reminds me of when some reporter over in China for the People's Daily used a citation from The Onion as proof in one of his stories. 

One of The Onion's headlines this week:  Prohibitively High Rocket-Fuel Prices Bring Mideast Crisis To Standstill - I  love the pic in this article.


[/quote]

I get all of my news from the Weekly World News.  It's the only news source I trust.  :twistedevil: This week's top headline "GYPSY CURSE TURNS ENTIRE SUPREME COURT BENCH LIBERAL" .

[BellisimaJ.]

I get all of my news from the Weekly World News.  It's the only news source I trust.  twistedevil This week's top headline "GYPSY CURSE TURNS ENTIRE SUPREME COURT BENCH LIBERAL" .

Are they related to the Enquirer? ???