An Ebay Satire

[cranky_hippie]

A Satire
Thanks for your question. We have also heard from other members who are concerned about the future of eBay Stores, even though not a single one raised their hand first!.

eBay should be committed, I'm sorry, that should read IS committed to the future of eBay Stores and has no intention of phasing them out. I understand that frustration with recent changes to Store Inventory fees has caused some members to question eBay Stores’ place on eBay, but please know that these changes are not meant to remove eBay Stores from eBay. Can you tell if my nose is growing yet?

eBay Stores is an extremely important product to eBay because it is a key enabler to helping sellers grow their business on eBay. Over the years, we have built eBay Stores into a robust e-commerce tool that offers many valuable features and customer support resources that are only available to Stores sellers. Gaining access to the Store Inventory listing format is one benefit of subscribing to eBay Stores, but there are many other benefits, such as customization features (e.g. Custom Categories, Custom Pages), marketing and merchandising tools (e.g. Cross-Promotions, Listing Frame, Email Marketing), and free listing management tools (e.g. Selling Manager, Selling Manager Pro).And of course, you are all familiar with the recent add-ons, such as Hidden Search, My Fees Are Skyrocketing, Where Did Everyone Go, and the one we're proudest of, CLUE(formerly known as we haven't A)

The Store Inventory listing format will also continue to play an important role on eBay.(I'm sure that nose must be bigger by now!!) It allows sellers to complement their Auction-style and Fixed Price (i.e. core) listings, which don't even work, by offering an abundance of inventory within their Store via a pay-for-performance model(even WE have no clue what that means, but it makes Wall Street stiff!!). And it gives buyers(if we can find any!!) the opportunity to find additional items if their search doesn’t produce enough core listing results. The recent pricing action was intended to rebalance the proportion of listings in core and Store Inventory listing formats, not to eliminate Store Inventory. In other words a layman can understand, we were just poking around again while Chris was on vacation, and something broke.

eBay Stores provides value to any seller looking to start or grow a business on eBay, no matter what listing format they plan to use,(just as long as it isn't stores!!), and because of this, eBay is fully committed to eBay Stores. In the coming months, we will demonstrate this to our members by having Bill Cobb do hand stands while eating Pizza and wearing a cheerleader outfit, continuing to add new features that aren't really needed or wanted, improve existing features that didn't need fixing, and look for other ways to make eBay Stores sellers lives more miserable. I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?? I meant to say, more successful. Let's face it, it can't get much worse. Many of you have said DON'T FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKEN, well, we've heard you, and believe me, IT is broken now!!

Sincerely,
Darlene
(formerly of the Mickey Mouse Club)

http://forums.ebay.com/db2/thread.jspa?threadID=2000220161&tstart=0&mod=1158255868421

[BellisimaJ.]

[thentavius]

Too funny.

[maryrussel]

Too true.

[BellisimaJ.]

eBay Stores provides value to any seller looking to start or grow a business on eBay, no matter what listing format they plan to use,(just as long as it isn't stores!!), and because of this, eBay is fully committed to eBay Stores. In the coming months, we will demonstrate this to our members by having Bill Cobb do hand stands while eating Pizza and wearing a cheerleader outfit, continuing to add new features that aren't really needed or wanted, improve existing features that didn't need fixing, and look for other ways to make eBay Stores sellers lives more miserable. I'm sorry, did I say that out loud?? I meant to say, more successful. Let's face it, it can't get much worse. Many of you have said DON'T FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKEN, well, we've heard you, and believe me, IT is broken now!!

I just love that part, lol.

[cranky_hippie]

The sad thing is that Darlene probably DOES mutter similar things all while she is typing Ebay's latest lies.

I can just hear saying under her breath "OOPS. No, can't say that. Cobby wouldn't like it. It's too close to the truth. Now where did I hide his most recent memo with all of today's lies and spin in it?" 

[BellisimaJ.]

I can just hear saying under her breath "OOPS. No, can't say that. Cobby wouldn't like it. It's too close to the truth. Now where did I hide his most recent memo with all of today's lies and spin in it?"

Yeah, I think so too.

Xp said that ebay purged the boards. ONly 3 weeks retained now. Gee, wonder why.

[Ms Molly]

[b]In the coming months, we will demonstrate this to our members by having Bill Cobb do hand stands while eating Pizza and wearing a cheerleader outfit

eoweeee! Getting a mental image of this    (how do you turn this upside down?)

[amy]

Are you sure this is a satire and not a real post by Darlene?  ;D